Sex Q&A: My Husband lose his erection everytime he uses a condom

Hn, Indonesia:

Dear Doctor,

I’m a 32 year-old woman, married and already have two kids. We were planning not to have more child, and we’ve tried using condom and calendar system for contraception. The problem is, my husband’s penis always lose its erection everytime he uses condom. Is there any side-effects on condom? I’m afraid that if we stop using condoms, I will get pregnant again. It is not healthy for woman at my age is it? Thank you!

Dear Mrs. Hn in Indonesia,

You have planned not to have child anymore, well, that’s a good idea. It shows that you already have wide knowledge and you have also understand health very well. You told that you are tired of using condoms for contraception. Your problem is that everytime your husband use condom his penis loses its erection. That’s absolutely not the side-effect of condoms. I think it is about psychological matter. He may feel less enjoyable if using condom. As we know, sometimes they put some additive or substance that can reduce the penis sensitivity (we know it as the "long life" condoms). If your husband use these condoms, it may not be easy for him to get an erection because they reduce his pleasure.

The use of condoms or drugs to have a long sexual performance is intended only for woman’s pleasure. Then, if a woman can get her pleasure, psychologically we hope that it also happens to her partner. By seeing her partner/wife enjoys it so much then it will trigger confidence and sensation to a man. Physical pleasure or orgasm can only be reached if he had put off the condom and ejaculated. That’s what you have to tell your husband about.

A second possibility is that the condom maybe too small for your husband’s penis (we know that condom has various sizes). This can cause pain to your husband’s penis instead. Another possibility is that if your husband’s penis is too short then the base of the condom will stay in roll. This can also cause pain to your husband’s penis, so he might lose his erection.

There’s one advice from me. If you really intend to stop having a child, then stop using condoms for contraception. We know that condom could also fail to stop pregnancy and statistically, the rate is quite high. If you feel enough with two kids already, then try another method of contraception such as diapraghm, or you can also try sterilization for much safer method.